Proposal Defense : Done!

Well, I'm still in UIA. I had finished my proposal defense last two days. It was totally horrible. I made it horrible actually. But Alhamdulillah I survive and passed it. Lots of postgraduate students used to say that after the defense proposal, I will feel much better, happier and relief of course. I never wonder it is way horrible than my previous experience during master study. 

I just submitted my proposal last week. I attached my suggestion's date for the defense to my Kuliyyah. But they didn't give me any clue when will be my defense. So I just enjoy my day, assuming it will be done after raya.  But abah didn't allow me to come back home without any final confirmation from the postgraduate office. So I did wait patiently. Until this Wednesday, the office informs me that my defense will be held Thursday 9.30am. I just feel.. owh wow..  Others kuliyyah give their candidates 2 weeks before defense their proposal, but I need to be ready within a day.

So in that morning, I was super extremely nervous.  I never personally met with the examiners. Everybody who knew my examiners mentions that they are all experts in my field. So they have knowledge and experiences way much better than me of course. My supervisor also asked me to be prepared. But I screwed it all. Hew hew. 

The presentation went well. Until it comes to the comments part. Oh well, there were lots of questions from the examiners. Pages by pages and chapter by chapter. Technically, my 1st examiner does listen to my explanation. So I jot down her comments and she just gives me a pleasant smile when I answered rubbish.  But when it comes to my 2nd examiner, it was super nightmare. There are more questions from her, and she even refused to listen to my explanation. I think she might knew that I'm going to give non convincing answers, that's why she cut me off my line. Hew hew.   

I thought that I totally screwed everything. When they asked me about the grounded theory, I just said 'based on my limited knowledge..' then all rubbish. I can't recall that answer. I already prepared my answer during the seminar, but nobody asks about it. So I totally misleading that point. 

After all comments, I need to wait several minutes outside the meeting room.Yes, terasa macam i need to defense again next semester and cannot proceed to the data collection. Terasa nak cembeng, rasa looser dan semualah. But they told me that I passed, but I need to make some minor corrections to my thesis. I went to my mahallah and knock on Sister Sakinah's door to tell about the happy, but more horrible moment that morning.  So sister Sakinah who used to say that I'm still a baby in PhD world was super happy too.  

Well, she told me that, some of student passed it with minor corrections, major corrections or you had failed and need to defense and redo your proposal again. That's will be the worst when you have to redo it again. The whole things. So I passed with minor correction. Can you imagine what is the feeling to defense it all over again? Much much horrible.

Alhamdulillah. 

I was afraid if my supervisor mad seeing me fooling during my defense proposal. But he just stays calm like nothing happens. I was lucky to have the most calm supervisors. All of them. 

So I passed it and going home this monday. Finally I make it everything on time. Without Allah will, I wouldn't make it. I'm going to remember this forever as being fool in front of everybody (examiners, supervisor and chairperson). Stres jugak bila teringat jawapan taram sy bg tu. Sister Sakinah said that, they won't expect we will be answering like we are at their level of course. So I shouldn't worry too much. I just felt ashamed je. hew hew. Then I heard about the news of MH17 at midnight. Then I realized my horrible day wasn't that bad compare to the lost of everybody on board. Al-Fatihah.

I'm going home with peaceful mind. And started my new semester with re branding.. me. Hehe. Bravo nunu! Any advice to others? Prepare for the worst. Way much worst. And good luck! This is the lonely journey of PhD students. Several people who know this feeling will be so much excited listening to my experiences. Well there are less than 10 PhD students whom I closed with. I think I'm the first person among of others friends in the same batch with me settle the defense of PhD proposal. Harap on time juga stage2 akan datang. Dyan and Umi soon akan defense. Hopefully we can graduate on time. I can't stay much longer with this. Totally painful. Nak grad cepat2! 

Lastly, my ummi shouldn't worry anymore. Dah berisi skit kan kat pipi? skit laa. Hehe