Proposal Defense : Done!

Well, I'm still in UIA. I had finished my proposal defense last two days. It was totally horrible. I made it horrible actually. But Alhamdulillah I survive and passed it. Lots of postgraduate students used to say that after the defense proposal, I will feel much better, happier and relief of course. I never wonder it is way horrible than my previous experience during master study. 

I just submitted my proposal last week. I attached my suggestion's date for the defense to my Kuliyyah. But they didn't give me any clue when will be my defense. So I just enjoy my day, assuming it will be done after raya.  But abah didn't allow me to come back home without any final confirmation from the postgraduate office. So I did wait patiently. Until this Wednesday, the office informs me that my defense will be held Thursday 9.30am. I just feel.. owh wow..  Others kuliyyah give their candidates 2 weeks before defense their proposal, but I need to be ready within a day.

So in that morning, I was super extremely nervous.  I never personally met with the examiners. Everybody who knew my examiners mentions that they are all experts in my field. So they have knowledge and experiences way much better than me of course. My supervisor also asked me to be prepared. But I screwed it all. Hew hew. 

The presentation went well. Until it comes to the comments part. Oh well, there were lots of questions from the examiners. Pages by pages and chapter by chapter. Technically, my 1st examiner does listen to my explanation. So I jot down her comments and she just gives me a pleasant smile when I answered rubbish.  But when it comes to my 2nd examiner, it was super nightmare. There are more questions from her, and she even refused to listen to my explanation. I think she might knew that I'm going to give non convincing answers, that's why she cut me off my line. Hew hew.   

I thought that I totally screwed everything. When they asked me about the grounded theory, I just said 'based on my limited knowledge..' then all rubbish. I can't recall that answer. I already prepared my answer during the seminar, but nobody asks about it. So I totally misleading that point. 

After all comments, I need to wait several minutes outside the meeting room.Yes, terasa macam i need to defense again next semester and cannot proceed to the data collection. Terasa nak cembeng, rasa looser dan semualah. But they told me that I passed, but I need to make some minor corrections to my thesis. I went to my mahallah and knock on Sister Sakinah's door to tell about the happy, but more horrible moment that morning.  So sister Sakinah who used to say that I'm still a baby in PhD world was super happy too.  

Well, she told me that, some of student passed it with minor corrections, major corrections or you had failed and need to defense and redo your proposal again. That's will be the worst when you have to redo it again. The whole things. So I passed with minor correction. Can you imagine what is the feeling to defense it all over again? Much much horrible.

Alhamdulillah. 

I was afraid if my supervisor mad seeing me fooling during my defense proposal. But he just stays calm like nothing happens. I was lucky to have the most calm supervisors. All of them. 

So I passed it and going home this monday. Finally I make it everything on time. Without Allah will, I wouldn't make it. I'm going to remember this forever as being fool in front of everybody (examiners, supervisor and chairperson). Stres jugak bila teringat jawapan taram sy bg tu. Sister Sakinah said that, they won't expect we will be answering like we are at their level of course. So I shouldn't worry too much. I just felt ashamed je. hew hew. Then I heard about the news of MH17 at midnight. Then I realized my horrible day wasn't that bad compare to the lost of everybody on board. Al-Fatihah.

I'm going home with peaceful mind. And started my new semester with re branding.. me. Hehe. Bravo nunu! Any advice to others? Prepare for the worst. Way much worst. And good luck! This is the lonely journey of PhD students. Several people who know this feeling will be so much excited listening to my experiences. Well there are less than 10 PhD students whom I closed with. I think I'm the first person among of others friends in the same batch with me settle the defense of PhD proposal. Harap on time juga stage2 akan datang. Dyan and Umi soon akan defense. Hopefully we can graduate on time. I can't stay much longer with this. Totally painful. Nak grad cepat2! 

Lastly, my ummi shouldn't worry anymore. Dah berisi skit kan kat pipi? skit laa. Hehe

0918

Alhamdulillah, akan defense proposal tak lama lagi. Excited tp proposal tak siap lg. Ada 3 variables chapter 2 (literature review) tak siap lagi. Susah benar cari articles 3 variables, siap2 mengantok tak tertahan2. Teruja bila dapat tahu department dah hantar borang proposal defence kat postgraduate office. Dah agak nervous bila dapat tahu siapa panel nanti. Sorang yg nak jadi supervisor aku lepas Dr.Basrie pg haji. Disebabkan aku terabai, dia volunteer nak jadi supervisor. Tp prof Bakri, chairman community supervisor aku tak kasi. Dia suruh stay dgn main supervisor Dr.Basrie. Dan another panel adalah bekas supervisor mama, Dr.Zu. Hew hew. Dr ni mmg la motherly, tp tegas. Waa, dah la ni bidang dia. I ols refer local literature dr paper Dr.Zu dan under Dr.Yus time Dr.Zu sambung PhD. 

Sokey, Di bulan yg mulia, marilah kt defense dengan jayanyaa. Dan meraikan ia di hari raya. Umi dah jeles2 dah. Sebab I ols dah nk defence. Umi ada 2 sem lagi untuk defence. Lambat kan. Tak pelah cepat or lambat, asal kt graduate on time. Fighting!!

Good luck nunu! Yeahhh

Ape benda defence proposal?

defence proposal dgn penjelasan mudah adalah untuk mereka2 yg ambik master or PhD by research. They writing a paper, study anything they like and come out with a finding. Finding ni sebenarnya sangat membantu masyarakat walaupun tak nampak dgn mata kasar. It is apart of RnD. Lihat negara2 maju. Jepun of kos, negara asia. Dia lagi maju walaupun selepas kena bom nuclear. Sebab RnD dia lagi byk dr negara kt. So nampak tak kepentingan research? Sy pernah tgh statistic phd holder di dunia kt facebook. Negara2 besar kepadatan penduduk majoriti mempunyai doctor phd paling ramai terutamanya China, Jepun dan negara2 barat yg lain. Malaysia ada dalam list, tp tak ada la sebesar jumlah negara2 kuasa besar ni. Eh jauh plak tersasar. 

So untuk students research, dia mulakan dengan writing proposal. Then dia kena defence proposal depan panel. Kalau tak lulus, dia kena repeat writing proposal semula. Dah dengar macam2 kerenah org kena defence kali kedua. Mintak jauhhh. So right now I'm at this level. Lepas lulus defence, I'm going to proceed siapkan thesis dan built up questionnaire or soalan interview. Then start data collection dgn pg interview dan distribute questionnaire. Dan part paling sakit skit, data analisys. Analysis data dr data collection. Lepas tu dapat la finding. Then present viva. Ini final. Dapat phd ke tak. Selalunya soalan ketika defense dan viva memang unexpected. Soalan bertubi2 akan datang lepas dia baca thesis kt. Time ni kena doa dan tawakkal. Secara ringkasnya inilah perjalanan seorg PhD. Owh syarat PhD, dia kena publish 2 paper. So boleh baca research paper kt databases. Gittuww. 

So bagi mereka2 yg tgh pikir nak sambung research ke tak. Inilah secara kasar perjalanan research. Waktu master sy sengaja nk jimatkan masa dgn ambik coursework. Tetapi kami telah didedahkan dgn dissertation or thesis. Dah siap thesis master dgn susah payah. So I get an overview macam mana perjalanan PhD. Ramai kawan2 serik dgn perjalanan research. Tp I ols kan hati batu. Kalau tak, tak mungkin ada kat sini. 

Owh jangan lupa doa banyak2. Dan tak payahla cari jalan singkat nak habis phd or master. Keji. Bunyi kasar kan. Ye la, sepatutnya kt bertanggungjawab apa kt buat. Sebab org lain akan refer finding kt. Kt berlagak bagus. Padahal haram jadah. Benci. Dah ada pengalaman jmpa orang macam ni. Better la bdk yg kena redo writting dia dr org yg cari jalan singkat. Tak de short cut nak grad master or PhD. Swallow it. It might bitter at the moment, but you feel better when the bitter is gone. 

Selamat terawihh

owh terjumpa satu ayat tentang eyebag. Disebabkan proposal tak siap lg, so kena la berjaga skit. Bila berjaga eyebag pun ada la sbgai bukti berjaga malam.'the bag under my eyes are prada'. Prada and panda.

byee

0208

Ramadhan Kareem everyone.

For the first time berpuasa di Uia. Emm not bad at all. Im still waiting for my defense proposal's date which is expecting this early July. There are a lots of information redundancy happen lately and give a lots of troubles to the surrounding but at least I started to understand the IIUM management concept which quite different from my previous experiences. However sabar itu indah walaupun susah. Alah, proposal pun tak siap lagi. Tapi dah tak ada mood nak buat ashik tunda2, tak meeting la, boleh defense until august la dan banyak alasan seangkatan dengannya. 

Setakat ni berpuasa di uia tak de la sengsara sgt sebab tengah cuti semester. Or known as sem 3. Sem 3 yg kebanyakan bdk2 ambik short sem termasuk dina and along. Im not alone in uia dan umi pn datang uia every weekdays, so I have friends here during this semester. Terasa lucky skit sebab berpuasa waktu sem 3 ni sebab tak ramai students and tak payah beratur panjang2 time nak beli makanan. Setakat ni tak pergi lagi bazar berhampiran. Tak nampak pun bazar, mungkin dekat area sri gombak adaa, namun apabila diukur dengan level kerajinan, aha tak rajin la nk pg bazar tu. Masih tak jumpa lg dgn murtabak dan taufufa. Tak percaya sgt makanan kt bazar. Kadang2 mengecewakan. Penah beli taufufa basi. Upset! 

Sahur pn tidak ada masalah sekarang. Dia kena tunggu rasa dah tak nak sahur tu br sampai tahap dah tak tahan dgn makanan yg ada. Kat mahallah tak boleh bawa apa2 barang elektronik untuk memasak. Pihak management mahallah pulak rajin sangat buat sport check. Bilik i ols plak bilik 1st diorg akan masuk. Selalu diorg masuk time tuan dia tak de. Tapi disebabkan tak bawak barang2 yg dilarang tu, tak ada la barang kena rampas. Mak cik2 arab tu tak yah cite la. Peti ais pn dia bawak. Diorg tak larat nak angkat kot sbb tu tak rampas. Terawih plak special skit, we ols pg pkul 10 malam supaya tak bersesak2 dgn jemaah lain. Dah kena time 1st ramadhan. Dah datang awal, dpt tempat kat depan, tp masjid uia kekurangan kipas. Dengan ramai manusia, terasa sengsara nak habiskan terawih sebab dah rasa mcm kena kukus dah.Kebetulan saf we ols tak de kipas syiling lansung. Masjid telipot pn guna aircond kan. *start nk complain hew hew. 

Pg terawih pkul 10 sgt la selesa, kat level bawah masjid tu ada kipas, So berangin la jgk walaupun still panas. Nasib baik imam buat 20 rakaat. Ktrg sempat la buat 8 rakaat walaupun datang pkul 10. Dan balik awal dr jemaah yg buat 20 rakaat. Pkul 10.50 dah kat bilik dah ready untuk tidur. Tiket nak balik kelantan pun tak beli lagi sebab defense ni. Dah letih dah sakit hati. Ada la hikmah semuanya ni. Proposal plak, masih ada lg perubahan yg akan berlaku. Tapi nak boleh lepas defence tu susah jgk la. Macam2 kerenah berokrasi kena tempuhi. Lecehnya. Overall I still enjoy my everydays in IIUM. Mostly budaya kat sini better, dah fasilitinya lg better dr previous experiences. Yeah enjoy my self swimming tiap2 petang. Ada geng seronok la main2, siap tolong selamatkan umi yg hampir lemas. Hew hew. 

When the close one mention that she inspired me the most. I was speechless. Why me? Sebab kePhDian inikah? to me it was nothing at all, to others it was something. But this is fun too. If you are in my situation right now. Ape je yg tak susah dalam dunia ni? so relekss. Bello one of my nigerian friend told me, cara dia survive master n terutamanya subject research method dgn cara write and pray. I ols plak, write, cry and pray. Hew hew. Tapi dissertation mix mod coursework course di IIUM sgt senang. I mean, 34 pages? seyesli? Proposal defense ni pun skrg nk cecah 70pages. Tapi yg kena present 20 pages je. Kene sort banyak la. Tapi ye lah, tak paham mana concept kat sini. But to be honest, suka sgt dengar org terdekat nak sambung belajar. Bila diorg aim nak sambung oversea, owh bagus3. Sila2 sambung dengan cekal dan tabah! Bila spupu2 nak aim jd prof, terasa macam woww, should I bagi gambaran suasana prof tu macam mana? Heee. Diorg ckp belajar sampai mati. Tu definisi org tua yg sambung phd. Definisi org muda, belajar selagi young, innocent and freee. Innocent to dalam ramai2 community phd, obviously nampak bdk 3 org tgh jovial time colloquium. Me and the geng explore, share idea, make mistakes, cries, complains, jimba, main3, careless, pelupa dan macam2 lg. Seronok kawan dgn org yg lebih tua. Bajet rakan sebaya.

K.mira pernah gelak sebab sy gelak. Dia cakap nk tergelak sama bila sy gelak. I was the easy to laugh person. Memang macam tu. Mudah terhibur. So bila pressure, cari geng konon luah pressure, lepas tu seminggu tak sentuh thesis. Kadang2 tak berdisiplin, buat writting satu page hilang 2,3 hari. So I think mungkin kena start kerja as research assistance kot. Tp kat sini kena approach sendiri, tak ada skim2 macam UiTM. Mungkin boleh berdisiplin bila masa dah agak ketat. Rasanya sem depan bila dah start data collection, dah mental kot. Memang aim nak grad awal skit. Bila ada kt stage ni, terasa macam menyoal diri sendiri. So what's next? berbaloikah? apa impak pd diri sendiri? what did I learn? Manfaatnya? Then realise, yang penting adalah waktu ini, sekarang. How we make it valuable in the future. Nobody cares what we've been through. Tapi macam mana kt make it happen. Ah masuk part susah nk describe. Sometimes people reminds me, make it happen with all your heart. Do it as much as you desire it most. I began to realise, I want to know my self, overcome my limitation, reach everything that I tot it is impossible. And lastly shifa remind me, ujian kehidupan buat kt kenal diri kt, kt sedar kt adalah creation yg most incredible. Yeah I admit, ada keadaan susah nak control perasaan. Tp I have to control myself. otherwise sape akan jd mangsa? 

Seyesli, I dont know what's im doing. Sudah merancang, tp jalan cerita kehidupan telah pun ditulis. Tinggal part nak lakonkan saje. But I do believe, it is going to be a beautiful story. Walaupun sekrg nampak mcm agak kekurangan banyak benda kalau nak dibuat perbandingan, tp ye lah, my story is not the same with others. Walaupun kadang2 rasa suck, rasa nak undur balik masa, rasa semua benda nagetif, pray. Allah listen to every unspoken conversation and confession.  Pray for my defense soon. And pray for the ticket raya yg tak beli2 lagi. Anak yatim pun raya dkt hotel. Inikan hakak phd. Tak kan nak raya dlm bilikk. 


Owh Allah, I am satisfy with all I have and everything I had lost. Because I know, what had happen is for my own good. Allhamdulillah, ;)) 

Belia suka selfie. Sejak ada galaksi2 ni. Selfie je keje. Kena beli en.canon dah ni. Dah parah berselfie

bye. Dah berisi kenn. I knoww Hee